Awareness of the importance of emotional intelligence in our personal and professional lives is increasing. My wake-up call came when a professor of a negotiations course in my masters program advised me to stop investing in my IQ (rational intelligence) and start investing in my EQ (emotional intelligence). He perceived arrogance in situations that I knew were triggering anxiety. In that moment I decided to heed his advice and I started to explore the question: What is emotional intelligence and how can I strengthen mine?
Today I've come back to this question after an eight-year exploration. It has been a journey that has encouraged me to develop empathy, based on Marshall Rosenberg's Non-Violent Communication (NVC) philosophy. In addition, I've had the chance to explore the role that a broader range of skills each play in the development of EQ. In the midst of this pandemic, which has been emotionally challenging for so many people, I would love to share a few distinctions that have helped me on this path.
What is empathy? Empathy is the ability to sense and understand my emotions and those of others. It starts with self-connection: the capacity to connect with and understand my own emotions. Through the framework of NVC I can connect emotions, those sensations that I can feel in my body, with my underlying emotional needs. This association helps me understand that when I have unpleasant emotions its because my emocional needs are not satisfied, and when I have pleasant emotions they are. With practice, I can develop the ability to connect with other people's emotions. If I observe their facial expressions, their body language and the tone of their voice, then my mirror neurons transmit their emotions into to my own body, and then by self-connecting I can put my self in their shoes.
What is emotional intelligence? Emotional intelligence is the capacity to use what I detect about my emotional needs and those of others to implement strategies that satisfy them. NVC teaches that all human actions are strategies to satisfy emotional needs. Emotional intelligence requires knowing with to use, and if I chose well I can reduce my suffering and those of others. The lack of clarity about which strategy to draw upon in different situations is the cause of many of the problems that exist an an individual, organizational and systemic level.
How to chose the best strategies for each situation? Through and action research process with colleagues and allies through Mobius, I have realized that there are five major groups of emotional needs and that the strategies to address each group are based in a specific skill. These skills are appreciation, courage, commitment, curiosity and empathy. Appreciation nourishes belonging, courage unleashes freedom, commitment creates stability, curiosity awakens learning and empathy enables being heard. Emotional intelligence requires developing these skills and knowing in which situations to use them.
How can I strengthen my leadership through emotional intelligence? Organizations also have needs and leaders are called to identify the right strategies to meet those needs. There are a series of leadership strategies y change methodologies that are rooted in these same five skills. Many people have asked me where they could learn more. In response, Mobius and the Impact Hub are offering Next, a three month program for leaders that want to boost their emotional intelligence by intertwining the development of soft skills with methodologies for leadership and change facilitation.
I hope you are able to take advantage of this unique moment full of so many mixed emotions to get to know them and yourself better :)
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